Love

Chris and I discussed this subject at great length the weekend that he was here. It was not an easy subject to start talking about and I will admit I cried a lot. I had this tremendous fear that I would die having never felt true love. The true love of another man. Chris went into great detail about the love my family has for me but that is nothing like the love I was trying to find. Finally as I come toward the end of my life I am beginning to feel the love that I so desire. I worry that much of that love is sympathy love but it is love none the less. Without a person to look after me as I am dying I will die a very incomplete man.

Chris proved to me that he and Caroline do truly love me as a brother. Caroline has been showing her special love to me as a co cancer survivor so far. Many of her experiences with cancer have helped me to deal with my cancer. But this is a different love than what I seek. I thought I had developed a loving relationship with someone down here in Palm Springs when I first came down here but it proved not to be. That was extremely rough on me.

I have now found someone who loves me as a man and companion. This man can help me through these final years and months and has already shown himself to be extremely generous and caring. He has offered his love and companionship to make my transition a comfortable and easier experience and I may actually die in peace.