One year later

Well folks,

its been a year since I last wrote in here and as I sit here remembering JT’s life and friendship, I am reminded of the great people I met after his passing.

This past year, a lot has happened and there were many times I wanted to call JT or shoot him an email to let him know what was going on, but each time I stopped short and just sighed!

I really don’t have much to say, I just wanted to make this one last post on the anniversary of JT’s passing.

To those that have stayed in contact, thanks. To his family, I think about you all on a daily basis and I am grateful to have met a few of you in person. Jt was lucky to have such geat family. I just wish I got to know more of you before all this took place.

So, at 12:25 am Oct 31 I will be lighting a candle, holding Jt’s bear with me and sending a Hello and well wish on his journey around the Universe.

Peace,

Andy

My last night with JT

On Tuesday, October 30, 20007, I headed off to check on JT and sit with him for a couple of hours. It was late when I was finally able to head over and sit with him. I arrived at the hospice facility about 10:30 pm and checked with the nurse on staff at the time. I was told that JT’s breathing was labored and they were amazed that he was still breathing given the vitals in his body and other issues.

 

I walked into the room, got the chair situated so I could sit next to JT and hold his hand or touch his arm to let him know I was there. I had placed his bear, Boo in his arms and told him I was there and proceeded to talk about the days events and chat with his niece Sylvia earlier that day. I chatted on about talking with family, how we had cleaned things up and that Charlie had taken to Joe quite well and was going to be loved.

 

It was then that I looked at my watch and said to him, “it’s 11:25, you have 35 minutes until Halloween.” And then I sat back in the chair and watched him breath for a while and then got something to read. I read for a few minutes thinking that I forgot something, so I leaned over and started talking to JT again. This time I apologized for our arguments we have had over the past couple of months, I said I just got mad because I knew he would be leaving and that he was one of my best friends and it was hard to accept.

It was about this time that the nurse came in and said that they were going to take the oxygen off and let him breath on his own for a while. I agreed and the machine was turned off and the room got quiet.

 

It was then that I leaned over and said, “Hey, let’s go for a ride!”

 

I began with us driving out to Mecca and up to the trailhead for Owl Canyon, one of JT’s favorite places. I described our arrival and the start on the trail into the wash. I told him there was about, 20 to 25 hikers with us that day, and it was the most beautiful morning in a long time. We hiked up and reached a plateau where there were some rocks stacked in formation and in circles and we could see for miles and miles. It was one of the most beautifully clear days we had ever seen. The sunrise was just spectacular and the Salton Sea was as blue as ever and we could see all the way into Ocotillo Wells area. Everyone is amazed at the beauty that day, and are taking pictures of everything their cameras can see.

 

Suddenly, an Owl flies out of the canyon and begins to circle over us in the sky. It just hovers and flies around, and the guys are snapping pictures and commenting on how amazing it is that this Owl is staying so close to us. It is then that I noticed you are gone, nobody else does. I look up and smile, because I know it’s you. I wave, you fly over several times and I tell you to “go”, “fly”, “go see friends, travel, so places, you are free now and can live as long as you wish.” Go, protect the canyon, help those that are lost find their way out and keep those that trash the canyons from letting it happen.

 

I am smiling because I know it’s you and you hear what I say!

 

As I am telling this to JT, I notice his breathing is very calm, almost relaxed. So, I whisper, stay in the canyon and be happy. I can see his eyes moving under his eyelids as if to be looking all around him.

 

I sat back in my chair, tucked my hand under his arm and read my book a little while. After about 20 minutes, I checked my watch and noticed it was 12:15. I leaned over, whispered, “HEY…it’s after midnight, happy Halloween…Go….fly, haunt, spook and have fun. You made it…”

 

A few minutes later, I noticed his breathing get shallow and soft. I looked at him and his eyes were open, but not seeing me. I got up and went to get the nurse. He came in, looked at JT and confirmed that he was on his way out. His breathing was shallow and becoming further and further apart with each breath. I sat down next to him and leaned over and quietly said to him, ‘Go, be free….I am here to make sure you cross over safely” He let more breath out and stopped….still….I could see that he was leaving and he was calm and peaceful. I just sat there, holding his hand. He was so quiet. I looked at the nurse, he said, “that’s it” We called in the head nurse, she checked his pulse and at 12:25 am October 31, 2007 Jon slipped away.

 

Watching this happen has been probably one of the most spiritual experiences in my life. I will never forget it and not traumatized by it. I am so honored to have been there to make sure he crossed over safely and knowing he was loved.

 

To you his family, it has been a long strange journey for you, and the last ten months have been a struggle of love, patience, understanding and frustration. For me, the loss is great to lose a friend, for you it’s even greater, for you have lost a brother, and Uncle. I want to thank you for being there for me when I called at times and for being passing along the love and thanks to his neighbors and friends who helped along the way. Jon is now free to fly and soar and forever be remembered as a kind, gentle soul who just wanted to be loved.

Services and Memorial

Services have been set for JT and will be as follows.

The funeral service will be at 3:00 PM on Friday, November 16. at St. Paul in the Desert, there will be a reading of two scriptures from the bible and two hymns. Also 2 -3 speakers, if anyone wants to speak, please keep it to only 2-3 minutes. Let us  know if you wish to speak. Please prepare carefully in advance. 

We encourage everyone to share stories later when we gather the next day after a private memorial hike with JT’s friends and family.

We will gather later in the afternoon at Andy & Tim’s house for food, drinks and remembrance and to share what we have decided to call…. JTism’s. Meaning your stories and conversations with JT and his colorful way of initiating conversation and other things in life. That will be posted a little later this weekend with more details and times.

Church location and directions are below. If you have any questions or wish to make donations to a worthy cause on Jon’s behalf, please email Andy and he will pass this information on to the family or ask for you, his email is sobrbear.ps@verizon.net

This has been a long week for everyone involved and I know I speak for everyone when I say THANK YOU for the comments and emails that have been coming in. With each comment and email, I am learning more about my friend and growing to respect his commitment to certain things in life.

We hope to see many of you at the services on November 16th.

Andy

 Location The Church of St. Paul of the Desert is located at 125 West El Alameda, Palm Springs, CA 92262, just off North Palm Canyon Drive in downtown Palm Springs, CA. You can call the church office at (760) 320-7488.

If you’re coming from the east:

Palm Desert/East Valley
West on Highway 111 to South Palm Canyon. Follow S. Palm Canyon north to Indian Canyon. Continue north on Indian Canyon to El Alameda. Left on El Alameda and pass Palm Canyon. The Church will be on your left.

Interstate 10
Interstate 10 to the Indian Canyon Way exit. South on Indian Canyon to Vista Chino and turn right. West on Vista Chino to North Palm Canyon and turn left. South to El Alameda and turn right. The Church will be on your left.

From L.A. and points west:

Interstate 10
Since we are very close to the mountains the only access from the west is via Interstate 10. Travel east on Interstate 10 to the Highway 111 (Palm Springs) exit. Stay on Highway 111 as it turns into Palm Canyon Drive. South on Palm Canyon to El Alameda and turn right. The church will be on your left.

In memory of JT

It is with a heavy heart and one filled with tears that I sit here and these words. At 12:25 am October 31, 2007 Jonathan V Tufts slipped away to a better world and is no longer with us. I was sitting with him as he took his last breath. It was a peaceful moment and I whispered softly as his breathing slowed to let go and find the peace he desired.

Services we be announced in a few days. Once I know more details of when and where, I will post them here.

If you have a note or condolence, please feel free to leave a comment as his family does check this and they do read the comments people leave.

I wish to thank those of you who took the time to call on JT, send cards and well wishes and mostly I want to thank his neighbors, Joe, Mitch, Ken, Aaron and many more in the complex that took the time to come by, feed, help, clean or just check in to say Hello while JT was going thru his treatments and into the final days at home. Without you, his would have been much more empty. YOU ALL ARE ANGELS!

Look for more updates in the next few days,

Andy

An Update on JT

Hi all,

This is Andy, a long time friend of JT’s. I am writing from JT’s computer as he has been admitted to in-patient hospice today Oct. 28th. It is unlikely that he will come out this time and it is with a heavy heart that I am having to write this.

Art and I called on JT this morning and received no answer, so we went over and found him non responsive and labored breathing. So we called the hospice folks and within 20 min they were there and admisitering care, but it was obvious this is just a temporary thing and the end is soon near. We have requested that he be taken to 24 hour hospice for his own safety and he can be found at Oddessy House 74-350 Country Club Palm Desert, CA 92260.

His cat has been adopted for the time being by his neighbor Joe. He has been making it a point that JT is fed each day and takes care of Charlie when JT is not alert. Joe was very happy when we asked him if he would like to bring Charlie home. So we know he is in a good home and will be loved dearly.

I will try to update this as we know more, but for the time being, its a waiting game now. Thanks for all the comments and well wishes over the past 8 months. It has been a tough time for all us, soon he will be at peace and whole again.

Hugs,

Andy (JT’s friend)

Sunday Morning

Good morning world. Sorry I have not been more responsive of late but most of my friends will tell you I have had a lot to think about and so I have not been communicating. Actually nothing could be further from the truth. I have wanted to communicate a lot but I have been tired. Dragging the computer on to my lap takes energy and collecting my thoughts is a little like crab fishing in the Bering Sea. You get a bite here and you get an empty pot there.

It seems that I am in hospice care now which if I read everything according to Hoyle, means I am in the end stages of life or some such rubbish as that. I am weaker, yes. I do not get around as easily as I use to but I now have a Physical Therapist coming to the house. I have an in home health care aide that comes by three times a week to help me bath, clean the house a bit and keep my life in order and an RN who comes by once a week. I still need to pay someone to come by and cook for me and help me to keep the house straightened up. I desperately need to be able to pay Thomas to come by daily and make sure I am fed. The preparation and the duties surrounding cost roughly $150.00 a week at least as well as to run me out on errands etc. This is something that neither the state or Odyssey pays for. Just to be able to run out of the house to Walgreen’s or WalMart is an adventure anymore. I need more from life than a bath three times a week and some comfort drugs.

AC was paying for the person to make sure I was fed but “AC’s” circumstances have changed and so I need another benefactor or two or three to help make sure this still happens. Please if you have any way to contribute to my “other care fund” as I call it, let me know. I like to eat and I like good food. Thomas washes dishes, clothes, windows, etc. The state and the hospice program do not pay for these services. I want to live and if I am to die I want to make sure I die at home. To be placed in a nursing home will make like easier for everybody else and get me out of their hair but for me you might as well just end it right there when I move into a nursing home.

We supposedly have been through all this with Medi-Cal but the folks here at Horiz0n and Odyssey know nothing about that having already having been arranged for. So I need someone who is up to date with my arrangements and have them work with Odyssey. Frankly no one has even heard of Mercy Perez and all her efforts she has put in to my care. I plan to call her on Monday and find out what she knows.  I must admit I like Odyssey/Horizon. My drugs are all paid for but the only thing they pay for is comfort drugs and I am not ready for comfort. And I wish they had paid for my drugs before I had checked out of the hospital. That was an extra $100 I could so desperately use for other things. I want to keep fighting this disease. Maybe it is time to look for alternative or holistic meds to improve my condition. Chemotherapy has done it’s job. What is next? That has run its course. We need to go to step 2.

The doctor came out last week and announced that there was no more care – i.e. no more treatment.

How times flies

On the one hand it seems like time drags as I battle the cancer and then I look at the calendar and suddenly I am wondering where the time went and what did I do during that time. It’s spooky

My hair is starting to grow back on my head. I am almost ready to have to go get a haircut. My moustache grew back first and being basically lazy I just let it grow. Now I have to shave every day or my beard grows in splotchy. I must admit my ’stache looks pretty darn good.

Now on the other hand I broke my glasses last week and have had to wear my dark glasses until the new frames come in. Talk about watching grass grow. I know it is only until Monday but it seems like it has been months already. I will be SOOOO glad to get the new frames in. I really miss being able to use the regular lenses. I made the mistake of falling asleep on the bed, something that I have not done in ages. Apparently I rolled over in my sleep and lay down on the frames. Alas, the frames are metal and the break occurred right on a tiny weld between the nose and the frames around the lens. Nice clean break but broken none the less.

A Salute to AC

As some of you may well remember an anonymous benefactor has been contributing $150 per week for home health care, meal preparation, housecleaning, shopping, transportation ….

This has made an enormous difference in the quality of my life. I am deeply grateful for this selfless support.

It is quite extraordinary when someone reaches out without terms or conditions or expectations of reciprocity – simply gives of themselves selflessly and unconditionally. To be the recipient of such good will has been daunting.

My benefactor has let me know that they will no longer be able to continue this support that has made such a difference in my life. While I am very much concerned as to how I will fill this vacuum, I am more compelled at this time to express my sincere gratitude for the generosity of my good

Samaritan. You have not only given me great comfort; but, most importantly, an avenue to renew my faith and hope – that random acts of kindness exist out there – and selfless and unconditional love does abound.

Many thanks for your help as I continue my journey!

Craigslist

I posted an ad on Craigslist as soon as I heard that Charlie has resigned and I am amazed at the response I have been getting. I have already hired one guy who will come in three nights a week to make sure I have food and help clean the house.  He has a really good personality.  I can tell he will be very good for me.  I want to talk him into five nights a week and then see if I can find someone to come in the other two nights.  I interviewed another today who has therapeutic massage experience. and he has done care here in the valley.  What I really need is some like Kenny available during the day so he can also get me back and forth to the doctor when that starts again but I will get a plan together and will figure this out.

So the really good news is that even though Charlie seemed to leave me in the lurch, there is a huge pool of people available out there.

Timing is everything

Disaster has struck kind of.  Charles, my home care worker has had to quit.  Unfortunately he quit without any kind of notice at all. He would not tell me more than to say that he has to go back east to take care of his mom.

So if anybody knows of someone who needs a little extra money every two weeks, please contact me as soon as possible. Now is actually a good time of the year for this to happen.  The snowbirds have not returned so a lot of people are looking for work.  I am posting an ad on Craigslist.  Jennifer from the church is also going to send out some emails, etc.  Hopefully I can find someone who can start relatively quickly and who I can trust and who would be as reliable as Charles was.